“What is That to You?” Escaping the ‘What About Them Trap’
Jeff and I married in 1980 with a clear mission: we wanted the “best” marriage, the “best” family, and the “best” kids. (Oh, how naïve we were.)
We had a vision of what our “perfect” family should look like. I had families I compared us to and women I aspired to be. But I quickly realized: we’re broken people, and imperfect people can’t do perfect.
"While our wedding photos captured a perfect, beautiful moment, we’ve learned they aren't the whole story. They are simply grace-filled promises of the ultimate perfection God is preparing for us."
The comparison trap has been with us since the beginning. I remember looking at another mother I admired and thinking: Why does their family have it so easy? How does she always look put together? Why are her children so quiet while mine are... not? Lord, why can’t I be put together and calm and “angelic?” Why can’t my family be - “perfect”? lol
The Confrontation in John 21 - In the middle of those thoughts, I found myself reading the end of the Gospel of John. Peter had just been told that following Jesus would lead to a difficult, daunting life. Peter immediately looked at John and asked, “What about him, Lord?”
Jesus’ answer took my breath away: “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? As for you, follow me.”
I realized I was Peter. I was constantly looking at "John."- those other people I thought God might love more than me- you know, where their lives looked better because I was comparing!
I could ponder why my mom died when I was only 23. I could ask why our two-year-old daughter died of cancer, or why our youngest was born with Down syndrome. I could analyze the “what ifs” and “whys” forever.
But I heard Jesus asking me the same question: “Cindy, what is that to you? Follow me.”
Choosing Trust over Comparison
That was a major turning point. I realized that comparing my role or my family to anyone else was just letting jealousy and ingratitude grow. I had to intentionally stop comparing and fix my eyes on the One who loves me most and trust.
So, how do we actually stop comparing ourselves or our families to an illusion of perfection? How do we let go of the "What about them?" trap ?
Peace starts with an exchange: our demand for perfection for His promise of presence.
Our family tradition takes a “silly” photo after the ones I want to frame. This is us. Don’t hold back. You are loved. You are unique. Be FREE to be the Family God is helping you become!
Today, I invite you to join me in three small steps of "un-trapping" your heart:
Acknowledge the Fog: When we feel that sting of jealousy or "less-than," think about 1 Corinthians 13:12. We are looking into a “dim mirror” or "puzzling reflection." We don't have all the data—only God does.
Release the "Why": This was the harder one for me. Like Peter, we want to know why someone else’s path looks smoother- easier. Try whispering Jesus’ words back to yourself: "What is that to me? I will follow Him."
Rest in the "Promised Someday": This has become my anchor. Trust that He is the Author and Finisher. He isn't asking us to have it all figured out; He’s just asking us to stay close to Him, knowing with certainty that He is going to give us the “happily ever after” in His way and in His time.
Resting in His promises liberates me from the comparison trap, Cindy