Life in the Middle: Navigating the Sandwich Generation with Grace

A CrossGen Life Reflection on Generational Care- “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise- “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth,” (Ephesians 6:2-3).

My brothers and I with mom on her birthday.

Who doesn’t love a good sandwich? I sure do. At Subway my sandwich of choice is tuna with all the fixings!  It’s made just for me and I love it.  Sandwiches vary a lot. I am sorry if you have ever had to eat one you didn’t enjoy.

But there’s another kind of sandwich. One we don’t order and one unlike anyone else’s. That season of life when you are caring for your children… and caring for your parents—your “sandwich season.”

There’s a tender rawness to this time—those bittersweet moments when we’re called to care both for aging parents and our own children. Sometimes, the pressure feels immense as we struggle to meet others’ needs and show ourselves compassion.  In these moments, it’s easy to wonder if we’re truly up to the task.

Here was my attention grabber, Honor your father and mother… the commandment with a promise.The way we handle our sandwich season has much to do with the outcome of our life. 

My sandwich season was with my mother. After several falls and two serious surgeries, she agreed to move to our city.  My sandwich season layered into the most challenging and rewarding sandwich ever placed on my plate.

My mother’s faith in Jesus endured, but her health faded. My responsibilities increased. Visits gradually became combined wellness checks and hearing the latest gossip rippling through the senior apartments complex and news from back home

My mom, Donna Barclay. Beautiful inside and out.

As a pastor, Fridays was my “day-off,” but day-off for a pastor is a relative term. However, I did all I could to make Friday mom’s errand and shopping day. Her favorite grocery store, Kohl’s, Walmart, and Target were our most frequent stops.

My most memorable lesson came while watching my mom navigate her electric scooter through the grocery aisles.  Unconsciously, I opened my phone to check a news feed.  I heard the Holy Spirit, “What are you doing? Your mom is in front of you and she needs you to talk to her. Most importantly, you need to listen to her. Put your phone away.”

Charged. Guilty. Convicted. Right then and there, in aisle seven I deliberately chose to savor this in-between season for the benefit of both my mother’s and my well-being.

The mundane and tedious became precious. Difficult doctor’s appointment became bonding opportunities.  As time passed, so did easy and convenient, but I was learning it was an honor to honor my mother.

No two sandwich seasons are made with the same ingredients.  

Here are some insights and encouragements. Season, your sandwich season with them as you please.

Be present. Don’t wait until the next time.  For me, the day came when I got to be present when it would be our last time in this life together. Her time to pass from this life to the next and into the presence of Jesus.

This season is a time of sacred overlap—supporting your children while also caring for aging parents. Standing in the middle between love and responsibility can be demanding. Allow the Holy Spirit to teach you to serve as Jesus did.

Our youngest daughter, Bethany, Cindy, Mom and I at her senior care residence. Weekly meals at mom’s residence, our home, every holiday, birthdays, and beyond… We didn’t need a reason to visit.

The most remarkable aspect of the sandwich season is how it embraces all three of the pillars supporting CrossGen Life.

Identity: Confirming Our Walk in Jesus

By caring in the name of Jesus both your and your parent’s Christian identity become confirmed and clearer.

Blessing: The Promise of Honoring Parents

In honoring your parent both of you will be happy and blessed.

Transformation: Shaping the Next Generation

Standing in the center you are shaping two generations. Modeling care and dignity to your children, while giving care and dignity to your parent.  The person transformed the most. The person in the middle.

If the sandwich season teaches us anything, it’s that holy moments rarely announce themselves. They hide in grocery aisles, doctor’s offices, and unhurried conversations. But when we slow down long enough to honor the ones before us and guide the ones after us, we find ourselves held by the God who stands with us in the middle. And in that sacred middle place, He forms a heart that looks a little more like His.

So, savor your sandwich season. It may be messy, layered, and sometimes hard to hold together, but it is made of sacred ingredients God Himself has placed in your hands.

Every conversation, every errand, every weary moment of showing up becomes a new layer of grace.And when you look back, you’ll realize this wasn’t just a season you lived through—it was a season God used to nourish generations.

Every other year our family photos include the generations. This was our final family photo with Cindy’s dad Chuck and my mom Donna. These days there are twenty-two grandchildren and one more soon to be added!