“But He said to me, 'My grace is sufficient for you, for My power is made perfect in weakness.' Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” II Cor. 12:9
God’s active favor isn’t demonstrated by us managing life perfectly; it’s demonstrated by His grace carrying us and our children through the seasons where we have nothing left to give.
In other words- God’s favor isn’t about us having it all together! It’s about His grace holding us togther when we’re empty and unable to go on. Somebody shout with me- HALLELUJAH!!
Coming to Grips With my Limitations
I want every member of my family to know how deeply cherished they are, but love in practice isn't always divided into equal slices. When someone is in a trial, my focus shifts to meet that need. Realizing I can't be everything to everyone all the time is humbling. It’s frustrating when my time and energy can’t keep up with the size of my heart. I’d like to share a few things I’m still learning as I learn to lean on God’s strength and not my own.
1. Juggling Love and Loss (My Mom)
My mom’s journey with cancer began before Jeff and I were married. Jeff was incredibly supportive, stepping into our family circle seamlessly. My mom had prayed she’d live to see my brother and me raised, but I was praying for much more time than that.
God granted her prayer; she saw my brother off to college and she she was there on my wedding day. She was thrilled to hold her first granddaughter, Sarah Joy. Knowing she was living on borrowed time barring a miracle, we cherished every single day together until the Lord called her home when Sarah was 10 months old.
During those first two years of marriage, I felt so emotionally divided. I was trying to figure out how to navigate being a new wife and mother while clinging to every precious moment with my mom. It was my first real lesson in juggling love, grace, and limited time.
Even though we were all by her side when she passed, I struggled for a long time with regrets—wondering if I had spent enough time with her or told her enough how deeply I loved her. But in her passing, she gave me more than I could ever give her: the example of her quiet peace, her unwavering trust in Jesus, and a grace that continued to bind our family together.
2. Walking Through the Valley (Kristin Faith)
I was just beginning to adjust to the fact that I couldn’t call my mom every time Sarah did something new, and she couldn’t share the excitement that we were going to have our second baby. When Kristin Faith was born, it was like a season of “Sonshine” and joy colored our little world. I had always dreamed of having two girls first (so they could be close as sisters) and then two boys (so the brothers would be fast friends) and then whatever the Lord would see good to bless us with. But when Kristin was just one year old, we discovered she had retinal cancer that had advanced into her spinal fluid. Her prognosis was six months to a year.
For that next year, we poured everything we were into loving her; surrounding ourselves with family and our church community, and praying for her healing. Some of my most precious memories are of Sarah and Kristin holding hands, dancing and giggling while I played the piano. Those sisters were inseperable.
One month after her second birthday, when the dirt fell over that little casket, I left a piece of my heart in the ground with her. I think I would have shriveled up to nothing, except I knew Sarah needed her mom and I needed to be her mom. Honestly- the path out of the pit of depression was long and hard. I was filled with overwhelming guilt for not being able to be“whole”. I wish I would have gotten counseling or asked for help- but it was 1985 and the truth was I was ashamed I was struggling. I thought Christians (especially pastor’s wives) should be able to overcome things like depression. (This is the lie I used to believe.) We shouldn’t hide our depression, grief, or pain in the dark. We need to prayerfully seek help through every avenue available to us—whether that’s spiritual guidance, grief counseling, or medical care.
Yet even when I felt numb and empty, like I’d never feel joy again…. even when it felt like God was distant, I kept trying to hold onto God and asking Him to hold onto me. Every moment I couldn’t do anything, He was quietly putting me back together piece by piece—the right song, the right book, the right people, and the right words at just the right time. He truly gave me beauty for ashes, the oil of joy for mourning, and the garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness. I still cry about this because the song “He Turns Graves Into Gardens” is my testimony! I- who was once dead inside- am alive because He brought me out of pit back to life!
3. A Lifelong Calling (Bethany)
Raising a child with special needs is a profound gift, but it is also a lifelong calling. Unlike many other seasons of parenting, there isn't an expiration date or a moment where you step back—it is a daily reality for the rest of your earthly life. The relief we long for doesn't always come in a quick fix; our ultimate hope and rest are found in eternity and the resurrection.
Because the needs of a special child are so immediate and consuming, they can quietly pull at the very fabric of a home. Statistics often highlight the immense strain on these families, showing significantly higher rates of marital stress and divorce compared to average households. Studies show that siblings of children with special needs frequently battle feelings of being invisible, overlooked, or secondary. They learn early to quiet their own needs because they see how stretched their parents already are These realities weighed heavily on my heart. I used to lie awake wondering: How can I possibly be enough? How can I give my husband the partnership he needs, give my other children the attention they deserve, and still meet the endless needs of my special child?
The fear of failing everyone you love can be paralyzing. But that’s the very place of fear that God still uses to transform my perspective and show me that I was never meant to be the sole provider of everyone's peace and fulfillment.
4) Navigating the Weight of "Life"
Add into all of that—just LIFE.
Sickness, homeschooling, raising children through every age and stage with ever-changing needs, serving alongside my husband as a pastor’s wife, transitioning to an empty nest, the blessing of grandchildren, special needs, caring for aging parents, siblings, extended family, friends, broken-down cars, and even broken-down relationships- and oh yeah, “self-care”😂. As I said: LIFE! We all know it, because we all live it.
In the middle of it all, there are many times I feel inadequate. As a wife, a mother, a sister, a friend, a pastor’s wife—even as a daughter of God—I feel divided, spread thin, and like there is never enough of me to go around. Whatever I give feels like it's not enough.
In other words: I am frail and limited. I am human, not divine.
And that brings me back to our verse- we are never meant to be the source of all things. In my own strength, I am not enough. Only God, our Father, is enough. In truth, He is more than enough!!
He is our source of infinite Love and Peace and Goodness and Grace. He is the unending river of Life. He is our JOY.
Finding Peace from the Source
When I look back at my life, I realize I constantly measure myself by all of my shortcomings and what I don’t get done. On hard days, I wonder how in the world I’m going to get it all done. Then there’s my “Grace Days” where I see things through God’s lens!
I can look at my story in one of these two ways:
Through my own lens: Focusing on where I failed to measure up.
Through God's lens: Seeing His power and glory covering my limits and weaknesses.
The truth is He has ALWAYS come in and covered what I couldn't carry. ALWAYS! At my absolute lowest points, when I have zero strength left, He makes me strong. When He sees my brokenness, He doesn’t turn away! He gently carries and nurtures me until I can stand and walk and run again with Him!
My Shepherd has never left my side, and He isn’t disappointed or ashamed by my human limitations. He knows exactly how much I need Him. Am I willing to realize how much I need Him?!!! He took my weaknesses to the cross, transformed them through His suffering, and relates to me in a intimate way that no one else in this world ever could.
There is no judgment from Him—only love, acceptance, and help when we need it most.
To sign off today- I hope you’ll take the time ask our Jesus to help you surrender weaknesses to Him and let His grace be sufficient for you. I hope you have time to listen to this song I’ll post- It has carried me through many times this last year and I pray it encourages you. He is the faithful God, through all generations- He will not fail those who call on His Name!