Where Do I Belong? Building a CrossGen Life When Your Family is Small
In my last post, I shared a glimpse into our own living room—a beautifully chaotic, incredibly loud space packed with 37 immediate family members. To us, it’s a joyful noise! But reading about an extended family like ours might bring mixed emotions—either relief that your own family isn't that large, or a feeling of being shortchanged, wishing you had more people in your tribe.
I know a large, multi-generational family gathering isn’t everyone’s reality. In fact, it’s probably rare. But even if you don’t even want a large extended community, we all need rich, meaningful generational connections. Living siloed means missing the wisdom of those who’ve walked before us and missing the chance to get rejuvenated by spark and enthusiasm the younger generation brings.
You might look at the idea of cross-generational living and think, That’s great for them, but that’s not my reality! Am I destined to never experience that kind of connection and support?
Perhaps a small family tree, a painful estrangement, or a deep loss has left you without a sister to confide in, a brother to lean on, a parent to guide you, or grandparents to anchor your children. It’s easy to look at those empty spaces, sigh, and say, “Well, it is what it is.”
No! Let’s not settle in passive defeat. If you’re longing for satisfying generational relationships- look to the Living God, the great I AM. He can change and build directly into your circumstances. He would never relegate us to a life of permanent isolation or loneliness. He knows it’s not good for us to be lonely.
If there isn't a path of connection already there, He’s the one who can build a bridge and fill your life with meaningful connections.
Noah and Noah Junior
For example, Jeff and I were talking about cross generational living to our close friend Noah and his son, Noah Jr., ”Jeff and Cindy, I’m excited about your new ministry! I love the support and richness an extended family brings-but I don’t have that right now. I’m a single dad, and being a bit older, I feel caught between worlds. I don't exactly fit in with the brand-new, twenty-something parents, and I don’t have a lot of family around to help. How do I get connected, find support and build Cross Gen relationships? Where do Noah Jr. and I look for that “extended” family?”
This post is for Noah, and for single moms and dads exhausting themselves, just trying to keep their heads above water. It’s for the precious widows and widowers whose house feels far too quiet. It’s for long distance grandparents looking at pictures of grandkids who live 3 states away, and parents navigating the painful fractures of estrangement or divorce. There are hundreds of reasons you might lack a “family” support system.
We see you and want to encourage you to keep praying for your family but also move forward and ask the Lord- “will you build CrossGen relationships into my life? Because God created the generations to tie our stories together, to pass down wisdom, to encourage, build legacy and create new purpose. CrossGen living is for everyone!
Belonging is something you can actually build!
If you weren’t born into a family tribe- you can build one. No family near by? Ask the Father to help you build your own CrossGen tribe. Find a church where you fit and flourish and seek to connect and adopt some people and let people adopt you.
The Gospel Flips Everything Upside Down
Hallelujah!
Jesus didn't limit family to DNA. The Gospel is entirely about being adopted into a family we weren't born into. Think of the beautiful, “chosen” family dynamics woven throughout Scripture: Naomi and Ruth, Esther and Mordecai, Paul and Timothy’s father-son bond, or David and Jonathan’s fierce brother loyalty.
Even from the cross, Jesus redefined “family.” He looked down at His mother, Mary, and His disciple, John, and basically said, “You are mother and son now.” He intentionally created a new, chosen familial bond right there. It doesn’t negate your biological family- it adds rich depth and dimension to your life.
The "Imago Dei" Connection: If we are all made to carry the image of God, then we are all inherently wired for connection. DNA is just one way a family is formed; intentionality is another.
A church family is a gift from God! Everyone is welcomed and cherished.
And the church is the most broad expression of family. When searching for a community, look for a church where generations collide and cross-ministries flourish. You need a place that actively pulls people out of their age-isolated pockets and brings them to a shared table where everyone can thrive.
You don’t have to be born or married into a legacy to leave one.
The Concept of the Support Tribe
Looking "Up" (Mentors & Stand-in Parents): For the single mom and dad, or isolated parents, this means actively seeking out the empty-nesters or grandparents in the community who have "been there" and have wisdom to pour out.
The Middle (The Generational Bridge): If you are a parent right in the messy middle—raising your kids while navigating your own mid-life journey—your calling is to look both ways. Look Up to anchor your family to the wisdom of elders and bonus grandparents, and look Down to pour into those younger ones. Open your home as a home away from home for teenagers, young adults, or lonely singles who need what you have to offer. You are the pivot point where legacy passes from the top to the bottom.
Looking "Down" (Mentors & Encouragers): For the widow or long-distance grandparent, this means looking for the young parents who are in over their heads and need help, or the teenager who needs a steady anchor, and stepping directly into that gap.
From Isolation to Intentionality- Building a Support Tribe
Drop the Expectation of "Typical": Release the sadness of what isn't there, and open your heart to what could be.
The "Casual Connection" Strategy: Pray and participate as God goes to work. Start with small, casual touchpoints. Invite a younger mom to the park. Ask an older gentleman at church for advice on a project. Ask someone to meet up for coffee or go out to eat after church.
Initiate the "Connection": It takes courage! And intentionality. Don’t just dream it- Do it! Seek relationships that will be reciprocal: giving and receiving. Be sensitive— if there’s a connection or spark— keep going!
Jesus- the Ultimate CrossGenerational Bridge
When we anchor ourselves in God and reach out horizontally to build these chosen bonds, we form the cross. Jesus has told us to ask in accordance to God’s will and He’ll do it for us. He designed the families and calls Himself the God of Generations- He wants this for us.
Cross generational living is the Master Blueprint God designed to replace this deep disconnection with joyful belonging.
Call to Action: You belong because God says you do. Find and nurture extra connections of belonging!
Why not go out, look around your neighborhood, your church, or your community, and start building your table?! And if you’re already doing that- GREAT JOB!