The Art of Letting Go: 7 Ways to Let Love Be The Tie That Binds
OG Barclays- Left to right- Sarah, Noah, Jeff- Micah, Me, Joshua, Moriah & Bethany
As our children got older, I began to realize the guidance, care, and hands-on mothering I was so used to giving, had to evolve. Letting go and Stepping back was way more difficult than I had anticipated.
When our oldest daughter, Sarah, was just eight years old, she wanted to go to a church camp seven hours away from home— alone! My mother’s heart stuttered at the thought. As I prayed through my fear, the Holy Spirit gave me a vivid picture.
I saw Jeff and me on one side, Sarah in the middle, and God on the other. Many cords stretched from us to Sarah while a single thick cord connected her directly to God.
In a flash, I understood. Just like a physical umbilical cord is a newborn baby’s lifeline until it’s time to breathe on their own—there are spiritual cords of love and protection connecting a parent to a child. Growth requires us to eventually cut those cords.
But the picture didn’t end there. That single cord connecting Sarah to God represented the day we dedicated her. The Holy Spirit showed me that every time we cut a parental cord, we aren’t letting them go into a vacuum; we are purposefully handing that cord over to the Heavenly Father, entrusting her to Him.
The ultimate goal of parenting isn’t to just cut our kids loose. It is a lifetime of letting go so that they can transition from being dependent on us, to being fully attached to Someone greater.
Letting God’s Love be the Tie That Binds
Through the tears, the fears, and the worries of learning to let go, the Lord taught me how to shift my parenting. If you’re navigating this transition, here’s what’s helped me.
Letting go and Letting God- Make love your highest aim!
1. Trust Our “Everlasting God”
We can’t truly “let go” unless we know that God honors our imperfect parenting. Whew! When we commit our families to Him, we rest in the promise that He will finish the work He began.
This is a massive leap of action-oriented trust. We have to remind ourselves that He has access to their hearts and is writing their stories. We can let go of our tight grip because we have come to know that God is trustworthy and faithful to His promises to all generations. (Psalm 100:5).
2. Pray More and Listen Better
"Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply." Stephan Covey
When we no longer manage their daily lives, our parenting moves to our knees. Prayer is where I pour out my fears, my sense of loss, or my hurts to my Heavenly Father. My heart stills as I try to listen.
He comforts me and assures me He is working. In fact, our family has grown so large that I could be sick with anxiety if I didn’t remind myself to daily turn them over into the care of Our Best Father.
Learn to listen with your “spiritual ears” to the feelings behind their words. I constantly have to remind myself that I don’t always need to have an answer. Listening with a heart of compassion and true understanding validates them—it proves that you see them, you hear them, and you care. Ultimately, truly understanding what they are going through is what gives us the best insight into how to pray for them.
3. Seek to Understand & Support- Not to Criticize
Speak Life! When we do speak, our tone matters immensely. We need to communicate clearly and ask questions, seeking to truly understand rather than jumping to react. It means stepping back, realizing that their lives are moving at the speed of life, crowded with their own heavy responsibilities.
Loving them well means remembering it’s not all about us, or about constantly sharing everything going on in our own lives—it's about holding a safe, intentional space for theirs.
I love to sprinkle in open-ended questions and verbal validation:
“Catch me up—how’s work and the family? What's exciting or challenging right now?”
“I’m so proud of how you’re navigating life! I love being your mom.”
“We’re here for you. Don’t hesitate to ask if you need anything.”
4. Respect: Offer an Equal Seat at the Table
Respect means transitioning from “manager” to fellow sojourner in Christ. Years ago, we handed them the keys to the car; today, we must respect that they hold the keys to their own lives and trust that God is working in theirs.
This respect must extend completely to our "in-loves" when our children marry. We determined from the start to treat every new spouse as an equal member of our family—never “lesser than.” To show this practically, all of our adult children and in-loves receive the exact same treatment for holidays and birthdays. They all have an equal seat at our table and in our hearts.
5. Walk Beside Them Through Large Life Decisions
Love each other as Christ loved us- walk in the Way of Love.
Monumental milestones—careers, marriage, raising children—are spaces where their choices might not always reflect what you expect. In those moments, we must return to prayer, respect their individual family identities, and trust that God is in the process. Instead of trying to control their decisions, become a steady anchor, ready to share your wisdom only when it’s truly wanted.
Choose the highest way of living- walk in the love of God.
6. Stay Close Without Crowding
Find simple ways to stay connected: a handwritten note or short text, a call or an an encouraging voice mail letting them know you’re praying for them, or an invitation for coffee. We have a family group text where we constantly share pictures, jokes, updates, and information, and if people are working they can always mute if it gets too overwhelming.
Any holiday, birthday, or achievement is a reason for us to gather, party, feast, and have fun. Aside from individual family celebrations, we’ve fallen into a wonderful rhythm of gathering for monthly birthday parties. We don’t exchange gifts anymore; the true treasure is simply connecting, playing, and eating together. These gatherings aren’t mandatory—life is busy, and we completely understand when someone can't make it! This makes me all the more thankful for the beautiful turnout we almost always have.
Additionally, I love inviting individual families over one or two at a time. My momma’s heart craves that smaller, more intimate setting where deep, quiet connection happens.
7. Remember the Freedom & Grace You Were Given
Note to self: Remember is to follow God’s example of parenting. Our Creator holds a perfect blueprint for our lives, and yet, sometimes we do our own thing. He never forces us into a rigid mold, rather He calls us into a love relationship and gently compels us to follow Him! He’s ready to redeem our poorest choices and biggest messes for our good and His glory.
I also remind myself of my own mom and dad. When Jeff and I got married, we were considered quite the mavericks! We probably worried our parents to piece! From Methodists to Charismatics, to home birth and home schooling in the 1980’s and ‘90’s, we made “radical” choices. We chose having a laraccepted a call to pastor a smaller congregation where the pay was modest and every day was a lesson in trusting God to provide.
I'm sure our parents worried, but they chose grace. They loved us, prayed for us, and welcomed every single grandchild without a hint of criticism. They showed us a flawless example of stepping back and ushering in the next generation with unconditional love.
If there are to be any bonds holding us to our children and grandchildren, let them be the ones we used to sing about in the old hymn: “Blest be “the Tie” that binds our hearts in Christian love.”
We were never meant to tie our children down with our own expectations. When we step back, we create space for the connection that matters most—a shared bond of God's perfect grace, which is the ultimate tie that binds. “Faith, hope, and love remain, but the greatest of these is love.”
Loving connecting the generations and creating Legacy- Cindy
P.S. From my heart to yours... If you are parenting a child with special needs, you know the transition to adulthood season looks very different. With Bethany, the nest isn’t going to empty in the traditional way. Instead, our journey has turned into a delicate balance of stepping back to let her solve problems, but standing close enough to protect her from a world that isn't always safe. I'll be sharing more about navigating this unique terrain in an upcoming post.